Not Tonight, Mr. Right
Kate Taylor’s Advice on Marrying the Man of Your Dreams
Want to know if a man is really into you? Then don’t have sex with him.
At least that’s the advice from Kate Taylor in her new book, Not Tonight, Mr. Right: The Best (Don’t Get) Laid Plans for Finding and Marrying the Man of Your Dreams [Marlowe & Company, August 2007].
The Evidence is in the Oxytocin
While this suggestion, on the surface, may sound old fashioned and stuffy, Taylor backs up her advice with evidence. That’s right. There’s a scientific reason to support this line of thinking all wrapped up in a little thing called Oxytocin, a hormone released from our bodies during sex. While this happens in both sexes, Taylor contends that women are affected more profoundly than men from the hormone. According to Taylor, Oxytocin “can make women up to ten times more emotionally attached after sex than men.”
This is where she gets the reader's attention. In a breezy, conversational tone, Taylor goes on to explain why abstinence actually makes dating easier and less stressful. And she manages to do it without sounding like an old grandma. After all, sex usually defines a relationship. When couples jump in the sack too fast it can underscore the physical part of a relationship while overshadowing the deeper and more meaningful connection that two people should feel instead.
Dating Should Be Fun
Women, she says, actually go about dating backwardly. They tend to start relationships with the first guy that comes around then go for months without dating anyone at all. Instead of doing that, Taylor provides a way for women to go out all the time without getting serious. In doing so, women will enjoy dating as it was meant to be: stress-free and fun. Remember fun? Once upon a time, dating wasn’t all about emotional affairs and analyzing a man’s every motive. Women didn’t have to wonder, “Where things were going” because men either moved on or married them.
This isn’t to say, of course, that men and women should rush to the altar. Taylor’s point is not for women to marry every guy they meet, but rather to slow things down so when a woman does find the perfect guy for her, she’ll know it without question.
Usually, women sleep with a guy right at the moment she feels she’s going to lose him. That’s the wrong thing to do, Taylor contends. In fact, she says the exact opposite usually happens: Give out too soon and the chase is over for him.
More Than Sex Talk
Not Tonight, Mr. Right is not filled only with talk of sex and abstinence, however. Taylor also describes why doing things like baking for a man can actually be a bad thing too early in a relationship. She gives advice on how men may react to your “no nookie” plan and how to contend with some of the common questions you both may have.
Women will value Taylor’s honest and straightforward advice while men will appreciate the end result: dating without anxiety that actually lets people have fun while they get to know each other. For more information on Kate Taylor or her new book, please visit her website.
